this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
