Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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