I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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