there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
