You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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