This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
