roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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