to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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