i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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