Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Randomize
