and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
