this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
