this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
