just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
