Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
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