I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
