So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
