I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
