I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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