Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
