I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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