Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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