Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
