Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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