a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
