Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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