I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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