She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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