someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
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