i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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