watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Woke up backwards on a recliner
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
