A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Randomize
