i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
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