The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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