I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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