hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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