a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
