I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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