Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
