Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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