How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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