I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
