Are we in a gay sports bar?
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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