woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
