Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
