The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
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