do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
