I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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