I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
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