all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
