If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize