Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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