I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
