I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
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