and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
