Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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