i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
