no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Randomize
