how can u be prego again
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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