i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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