Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
