I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
