Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
ttyl tear gas
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
