I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
