so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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