I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
