is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
