Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I wear drunk well.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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