Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
