i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
