just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
